I never have liked that line from the Lord's Prayer. I would rather that it say, "Give us this day our week's worth of bread," or at least "Give us this day our daily bread...and a little extra, just in case." But no. Jesus teaches his disciples to pray for what they need that day. He encourages them to continue returning to the Father day after day and trusting that He will provide whatever they need to survive the demands of that day.
This is not how I work. This is not how I am supposed to work. The accepted norm for non-profits is to carry a reserve account that is large enough to sustain your organization for 6 months. For a small operation like Joel's Place, that would be somewhere in the $90,000 range (I believe we have accumulated somewhere around $4.35 so far). On the rare occasions where I have my bills paid and still have money left over, whether that be at work or at home, I am so much more relaxed. I enjoy being able to buy things without doing the negotiations in my head about what we will need to give up in order to afford the purchase. I like having surplus that is under my control and at my disposal. Living with financial margin does not feel like a luxury, it feels like a responsibility. If there is no surplus, what will happen when the unexpected hits? How will I take care of my family or my employees if donors lose their job or we lose a grant or a gift gets lost in the mail or we get sued? It seems wise to have an account full of money just in case _________ happens. And yet...
And yet Jesus tells his disciples to pray in a way that screams dependence. He encourages them to only ask for, and only look for, provision to make it through today. He encourages them to approach a God who does not get bored at our repeated requests for sustenance...a God who will not get too busy for us or forget to help us or get frustrated that we can't do everything ourselves. In fact, I think God delights in such regular conversation and relationship. I think He enjoys finding new and creative ways to care for His children. I think one of the greatest temptations that draw us away from God is the desire for control and self-sufficiency. In approaching God each day, I abandon my pride and desire for control and submit myself to His mercy, his lordship and his love for me and the people and things that I care about.
It sounds amazing...but what about when it does not work? I have been fundraising for 13 years. I have never been fully funded. This is the first time in my life I have only had one job. And in this position I went a couple of months without being paid in the fall because we did not have enough money. I am just now about to pay off the credit card debt that I accrued through the years of financial struggle and trusting God to provide my daily needs. What do I do with that? Do I attribute it to character growth? If so, how close am I to having enough character to not have to live in debt? Do I attribute it to deficiencies with God? Maybe He is not powerful enough to provide for a couple of thousand dollars every month or maybe He just doesn't care enough. That goes against my entire understanding of Scripture and my experience with God. Maybe it is disobedience by the church. Maybe there are people in town who God has equipped and called to give to our ministry and they have just said "No." That just makes me bitter towards my brothers and sisters. Maybe the problem is me. Maybe I just don't ask boldly enough or strategically enough or I need to pray harder. However Jesus does not lay out the Lord's Prayer and then talk about needing to work in a specific way that enables God to provide for our needs.
So what I am left with is this: I am regularly drawn to prayer to ask for provision and to ask why it is not coming in the way that I hoped. After nearly 15 years of ministry I have a home, a car, a happy and healthy family, no outstanding debt other than the aforementioned home and a growing legacy of people who have been drawn closer to the kingdom through our work. There is a regular struggle with money that we wrestle with, but when I am able to look long term, I realize that our needs have been met. Even with 15 years of evidence I regularly stress about money and whether God will come through this time. I don't know when it gets better, but I do know that when I keep it bottled up the intensity and fear grows. When I share my concerns with friends and partners, the fear shrinks and I am reminded of God's history of provision.
Our current need is payroll. Joel's Place needs about $5,000 by Wednesday in order to pay our staff this month. We need about $10,000 to be current with payroll and all our bills. I don't know where the money will come from. I don't know how much will come in. I don't even know if handing out paychecks on the 1st and 15th of the month qualifies as giving us our daily bread. I do know that God is faithful and holds me, my family and Joel's Place in His hands.
May He grant you what you need today.
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